let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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