im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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