Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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