Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This toilet bowl is my home.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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