Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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