He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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