cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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