I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
