It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
