So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
