theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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