My hair reeks of homosexuality.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
