It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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