The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
