when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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