Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
