i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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