why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
