Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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