Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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