It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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