either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
