i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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