He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
