I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
