I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
