your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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