I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
