I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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