I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
