Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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