im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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