So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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