so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
