Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
