I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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