the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
