Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
ttyl tear gas
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
