She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
