It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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