They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
