I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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