she was so not down for the gang bang
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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