Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
