Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
