i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
