His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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