Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
