yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
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did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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