It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
