she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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