I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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