i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
