I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
