is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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