....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
