The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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