Where is the hickey?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
