Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
