you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
