i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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