just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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