You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
