Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
