I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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