Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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