my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize