that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
