Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
