I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
