you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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