I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
